beside jesus bedroom

[12:47] babyblinks2000: how are you doing
[12:47] babyblinks2000: <ding>

[12:47] charleneshouse: ok

[12:47] babyblinks2000: well..whats your name

[12:47] charleneshouse: betty

[12:48] babyblinks2000: ok i am peter
[12:48] babyblinks2000: where are you from

[12:48] charleneshouse: earth

[12:48] babyblinks2000: ok i am from pluto
[12:48] babyblinks2000: lol
[12:49] babyblinks2000: pls where are you from
[12:49] babyblinks2000: <ding>

[12:52] charleneshouse: why?
[12:52] charleneshouse: are you sure you’re not from Uranus?

[12:52] babyblinks2000: oh no i am from heaven
[12:53] babyblinks2000: you

[12:53] charleneshouse: oh yeah, me too

[12:53] babyblinks2000: ok

[12:53] charleneshouse: why do you want to know?

[12:53] babyblinks2000: which city do you live in heaven?
[12:55] babyblinks2000:  0256which city do you live in heaven?

[12:55] charleneshouse: I asked you why you want to know

[12:55] babyblinks2000: so that i will visit your city

[12:56] charleneshouse: where do you live?

[12:56] babyblinks2000: i said heaven
[12:57] babyblinks2000: i live in the area of angle micheal? and u?
[12:58] babyblinks2000: <ding>

[12:58] charleneshouse: where is that?

[12:59] babyblinks2000: beside jesus bedroom
[12:59] babyblinks2000: ands you

[12:59] charleneshouse: oh, you were trying to say Angel Michael

[12:59] babyblinks2000: yeah
[12:59] babyblinks2000: and you

[13:00] charleneshouse: I live in Bakersfield

[13:00] babyblinks2000: ok
[13:00] babyblinks2000: how many prphets there

[13:00] charleneshouse: what?

[13:01] babyblinks2000: how many prophets there?

[13:01] charleneshouse: I think you are carrying this heaven metaphor a bit too far, don’t you?

 

guess he thought so, too 

Limericks are the BEST!

There once was a man named Bertold
Who drank beer when the weather grew cold
As he reached for his cup…
“NEEEEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!!!”
Oh, snap! You just got limerickrolled!

If you don’t understand, click here

Profundities, which kinda sounds like Pro-fun-titties

I have a fascination with the bizarre…always have.  I think this part of my personality was formed by the stealing of Mad Magazines from my older brother…I remember vividly reading them, though rarely really understanding.  I just knew, deep inside, that it was brilliant.

When I read in Mad Magazine the conundrum about omnipotent God creating a rock that was too heavy for him to lift, my mind was seriously blown.  No kidding – it was the first time in my life I started to question “things”.

Going past the Mad Magazine, I also have a flair for spotting the ridiculous (and appreciating it).  Several years ago, I witnessed a tow truck towing a tow truck and I thought (and still think, actually) that it was about the most profound thing I had ever witnessed.  Think about it.

This morning, on the scrolling ticker tape at the bottom of the morning news, I saw the headline, “three armed men rob bank”.  My first thought, obviously, was, “Wow, I would love to see 2 dudes with 3 arms apiece robbing a bank!”  COME ON!!

I have said too much…

Majikal Subway

I went to Subway today to grab a sandwich.  If it’s good enough for Jerrod, it’s great enough for Charlene.

So, I am there in line…breathing in the aroma of fresh baked bread-like food & loving the fact that there’s only 1 person ahead of me in line.  The prospect of spending only 3 big ones on a little slab of processed deliciousness was staggering.

Finally, after what seemed like hours (actually was closer to 30 seconds), I order my business.  There are several other patrons next to me who are having the sandwich artists (I know, I know) put the finishing touches on their masterpieces.  It’s pretty mundane, so I start to tune out…but then, like manna from heaven, I hear a guy say, “I’d like toe-MAH-toes”.  Did this non-British dude just say what I think he said?! Did this dockers-wearing sombitch just drop “toe-MAH-toes” like it was hot?! Oh, sweet Moses – I think I’m in lurve.

That guy’s gotta have the biggest you-know-whatties of anyone I know!

funny junk

http://www.mydamnchannel.com/channel.aspx?episode=379

then

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=260206691307

I`m Sam from New Jersey and wants someone that`ll be love me and that i`ll also cherish

[17:18] eshman2: hi

[17:18] charleneshouse: hi

[17:18] eshman2: how`re u doing?

 [17:18] charleneshouse: ok

[17:20] eshman2: fine
[17:21] eshman2: what r u doing tonight?

[17:21] charleneshouse: nothing

[17:22] eshman2: how do u mean?

[17:23] charleneshouse: I mean that I am doing nothing

[17:23] eshman2: alright
[17:24] eshman2: may i know your real name,pls?

[17:24] charleneshouse: Betty

[17:25] eshman2: I`m Sam from New Jersey and wants someone that`ll be love me and that i`ll also cherish
[17:26] eshman2: I almost guessed
[17:26] eshman2: I love that name
[17:27] eshman2: honestly,I have noticed each time i come across any that answers your name
[17:28] eshman2: it appeals to me

[17:28] charleneshouse: what?

[17:28] eshman2: So betty,how`s life?
[17:28] eshman2: work? family? n friends?

 [17:28] charleneshouse: you meet a lot of Bettys?

[17:30] eshman2: No, I mean it could be at work,church or something

[17:30] charleneshouse: do you go to church?

[17:31] eshman2: yep
[17:33] eshman2: and u?

[17:33] charleneshouse: I don’t go to church

[17:33] eshman2: y?

[17:33] charleneshouse: church makes my skin itch
[17:34] charleneshouse: but that could also be my psoriasis
[17:35] charleneshouse: did that scare you away?

The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar

		The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar

		The Worst Grammar in the United States Hello, members of SPOGG!In the last year, membership in our group has grown to more than 5,000 people. More exciting things are ahead. SPOGG has succeeded in getting March 4 recognized as the first-ever National Grammar Day. (Get it, March forth? Nyuk!) We want to identify the least-grammatical city in the United States—as well as the most grammatical. For now, though, SPOGG is looking only for great examples of bad grammar. Do you live in the middle of an apostrophe catastrophe? In a sea of bad spelling? Rat out your neighbors, please. Some guidelines and suggestions: 1) The more public the offense, the better. We’d love a bad billboard. We’re less likely to include bad restaurant menus, particularly in restaurants run by people who don’t speak English as a first language. They have nothing but our admiration; English is a tricky language. 2) Photos would be excellent. We can make a hilarious Hall of Shame. Video works, too, if you happen to be recording some local television news. We need evidence of the crimes against grammar to make our cases stick. 3) A quick list of places to look: Newspapers, church bulletins, school newsletters, national chain restaurants, weekly ad circulars, bulletin boards, billboards. The deadline: The sooner we have this stuff, the more fun we can have with it. How’d you like to see your city on the Today Show? That’s the level of coverage we’re shooting for, and if we have good submissions, that gives us our best shot. (Note: Depending on what we get, we might switch it to least-grammatical state.) The reward: The very best submissions, as determined by a vote of our members, will be rewarded with merchandise from the SPOGG shop. Many thanks for your help, and stay tuned for more! Martha Brockenbrough, on behalf of SPOGG Catch up with the SPOGG blog

i’m a smart, cute, self sufficient with good head on shoulders

reev_b is currently not in your Messenger List.

 

reev_b: hi

Charlene Evans: hi

reev_b: enjoying the day ?

Charlene Evans: no

reev_b: awww. what happened ?
reev_b: manager giving you trouble ?

Charlene Evans: YES

reev_b: i hate that

Charlene Evans: he makes me type til my fingers bleed

reev_b: awww.
reev_b: wish i could help you
reev_b: i love ot type

Charlene Evans: and when I bring him coffee, he looks at me like a piece of meat

reev_b: although with mistakes
reev_b: damn how dare he
reev_b: i want to punch his nose

Charlene Evans: YEAH!

reev_b:
reev_b: your name ?

Charlene Evans: betty

reev_b: cute name
reev_b: your pic on the profile is cute too!
reev_b: how do you do that  ?

Charlene Evans: do what?

reev_b: look so cute!

Charlene Evans: oh, that

reev_b: so you live in sf ?

Charlene Evans: if I really was cute, maybe my dad would have loved me

reev_b: well, i’m sure lots of guys love you1
reev_b: there must be a long line of them outside your home trying to fill out applications

Charlene Evans: yeah, that’s true

reev_b: can i get an application ?

Charlene Evans: what are your qualifications?

reev_b: i’m a smart, cute, self sufficient with good head on shoulders

Charlene Evans: do you speak nicely to women?

reev_b: of course. i’m polite and a gentleman
reev_b: i know how to treat women nice
reev_b: are you taken ?

Charlene Evans: see, that’s where we have a problem.  I only like men who treat me badly

reev_b: lol.
reev_b: you should just ask for it

Charlene Evans: YOU ask for it

reev_b: well then you must be in love with your manager

Charlene Evans: MAYBE I AM

reev_b: ah i see
reev_b: well no much hope for me
reev_b:
reev_b: i promise i can treat you more badly than him

Charlene Evans: do you have any prior experience mistreating women?

reev_b: no
reev_b: you just have to teach me

Charlene Evans: god helps those who help themselves

reev_b: true
reev_b: when do i get to treat you then ?

Charlene Evans: NEVER

reev_b:

New Message Board!

It’s not on my site yet on account of I am too lazy to finish it right now (and pancakes are calling): http://charleneshouse.com/forum/

She’s Just Showing Her Ignorance

A couple of weeks ago, I experienced an honest to goodness Muni freak out.  I don’t know about you, but an occasional bit of muni zany/craziness  is great for cutting the monotony of  public transport.

The rub in my little tale is the very sad fact the the crazy here was allll me…Grade D Prime Charlene (see what I did there?)

Anyways, here’s how it went down:

7:30 pm – Enter the L train, must note that I was a leetle drunk…Miller High Life IS the champagne of beers after all.
7:32 pm – Start playing a game on my phone as I do not want to  make  contact with any of the unwashed masses aboard train.
7:24 pm – I do this weird involuntary sputter thing…like when you inhale a bit-o-saliva.  No biggie – just your average minor choking fit.
7:25 pm – A woman seated near me tsk tsks & makes a disgusted face at me.
7:26 pm – Whilst standing there playing my game, it occurs to me that I don’t take kindly to corrections offered to me by strangers.  Therefore, I pause my game & mimic her disapproval of me…LOUDLY.  It also included a nifty reenactment of the face she made at me…times 10.
7:28 pm – She says to me, “It’s polite to cover your mouth when you cough”.
7: 30 pm – I answer her, “It wasn’t a cough…I choked…it was an accident…FUCK OFFFFFFF”. (upon hearing this, the people near me scurried away from crazy…ME!
7:32 pm – Muni woman slightly rises from her seat & announces to the train, “She’s just showing her ignorance”.
7:33 pm – Charlene is rendered utterly speechless.  What could I have ever said to that?!  I had to let her have the last word!

I am rad.