Female Feet Turn Me On…

I get lots of IMs from people (mostly foreign men) wanting to “naughty chat” with me. 99.9% of these are received during work hours. Most of you know that I am very busy & important, so I don’t have time to deal with these. This particluar fellow’s name caught me eye, so I had a little chat with him. Hizzle D told me that I shoudl misspell more words, so I did. I am also pretty proud of the “LOLs” & the “U” & “R”.
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: hi
charleneshouse: hi
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: how u doin?
charleneshouse: good….how are you doin?
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: ok, just super bored. what u up to
charleneshouse: nuthin….just chatting with guys
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: lol, thats cool. u at home? work?
charleneshouse: home in my pj’s
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: cool, do u have a webcam?
charleneshouse: I don’t work. no, I can’t afford a webcam
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: got ya
charleneshouse: I am putting myself thru college
so I am broke…LOL
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: lol
charleneshouse: where are u?
hello?
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: in cali
charleneshouse: so, female feet turn u on?
alot?
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: lol, yeah is that bad?
charleneshouse: no…
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: do u have nice feet?
charleneshouse: um… well…
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: wish i could see. do u have a digital camera?
charleneshouse: one is nice…
one is…
gone
does that bother u?
I lost it in a hunting accident
but my prosthetic leg has a nice foot
with red toenail polish
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: lol ok
charleneshouse: you think that’s funny?
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: no
charleneshouse: cuz i’m not jokeing
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: ok
charleneshouse: do you wanna see my fake foot?
cuz I can do naughty things with it
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: how can i see ur feet?
charleneshouse: would you want to?
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: only to see if its true
charleneshouse: are u calling me a liar?
female_feet_turn_me_on_alot_69: no

This is the point where I lost interest & he stopped writing back

Bring your daughter to work day

I am trying to radically re-train bad dog Mathilda. In order to do this I literally cannot let her out of my sight. The problem with this is that I work for a living. So, I sheepishly asked my boss if I could bring her into the office & she said yes!!

So now, we have one crazy weiner dog at Technorati. Actually, she is a very well behaved cute little sleeping Dachshund. That is until I walk away. Then, she whines. This means that I don’t leave my desk without her. She’s gone to meetings, attended a new employee orientation & has had several cups of coffee (well, she accompanied me to get them anyway).

I hope this works…

wedding dress made of cream puffs??!!

now that’s what I am talking about!!!!

One rant about smoking & one crime story to follow

First the crime story, since my personal motto is, “if it bleeds, it leads”.

In the paper this morning, I read an article about a shopkeeper who was basically “mad as hell & not gonna take it any more”. You see, his small shop was constantly plagued with shoplifting & he’d pretty much reached the end of his rope. Yesterday at around 1 pm, he apparently suspected that a certain group of oddly-behaving youngsters in his store were shoplifters. When they exited, he followed them – packing heat. Naturally, one of the women waiting in the getaway car found herself with a face full of lead (dunno if it was actually her face – just thought it sounded better for effect, dontcha know).

Though this has absolutely nothing to do with me, it ended up impacting me a bit. How so? Well, I am glad you asked. You see, my bus happens to run right past the very shop involved in said altercation. It looks like it’s been renovated quite recently – with gasoline. As if out of the movies, an angry mob decended upon the shop & set it aflame!! It seems that they don’t take kindly to their kin getting shot full of holes….go figure.

Now for the Smoky McSmokerstons:
Okay, I am all for everybody’s right to do whatever the hell makes them happy. The problem is that some things that we enjoy harm others. (No, I’m not talking about illegal activities here) Take smoking for instance.

Smokers looooove their cigarettes. They love smoking inside. They love smoking outside. They love smoking in the car. This can go on & on practically forever. In the State of California, smoking is banned inside most buildings. This ban inevitably pushes the smokers outside. Pushing the smokers outside puts the smoke outside (see how that works). The problem with this is the fact that the smoke is gross. Nice fresh clean air does not exist when someone is smoking. The general consensus amongst the smokers is that, because they are not allowed to smoke inside, the outside logically belongs to them. Of course, the flaw in this logic is that I like outside, too. I don’t get to enjoy “outside”, however, when the smokers are there. You see, the smoke makes me sick.

Just this morning, a woman was smoking at the bus stop. The second I smell the smoke, I quietly move. Then she moved near me again, so I moved again. This happened five times! When I arrived to work, I was very sniffly & had a headache.

I have many friends who are smokers. They are also considerate about their smoking – proving that this is possible.

So the question remains – does their right to smoke supercede my right to fresh air?

post from September 28, 2006

I live in a constant state of disorganization. The weirdest part of this is the fact that I am crazy good at organizing stuff. My deficiency is maintaining the order. I have some sort of mental block when it comes to such things. For instance, I bought these great closet organizers that were made for sweater storage. Because I am a criminal genius, I figured out that they would be perfect for shoe storage. So, I set them up, filled them up & was off. Until about 3 days later…

Everytime I enter my apartment, I kick off my shoes. Two steps through the door – shoes off. Naturally, I have a tendency to have a perpetual shoe collection near my front door. It bugs me that I do not have the willpower to put these away. Yesterday, I came up with a brilliant idea – put the shoe organizers in the coat closet by the front door!!! Have I done this yet? What do you think?!

post from September 30, 2006

I woke up this morning with grand plans of doing all kinds of grand things today. My friend Charlie was planning on coming to the bay today & we are gonna meet up.

Well, he called me early to tell me that he wasn’t coming. I told him that it was not a problem & we tentatively planned on next weekend. I took this as a sign to not get dressed today. Following is the itinerary of my day:

10:00 am – wake up
10:30 am – feed Walter the cat & then feed myself some grape-nuts (still unclear why they are called grape-nuts – does not diminish their deliciousness, however)
10:45 am – shower (miraculously)
11:00 am – receive call from CB (this is the point when I decide to not get dressed)
1:30 pm – start preparing turkey burger (I love you trader joe’s)
1:45 pm – receive call from mom (she’s a talker)
2:00 pm – eat turkey burger (dee-lish)
2:15 pm – consider going to laundromat (declined)
3:00 pm – lie down for short nap (I had just put fresh sheets on my bed – call it quality control)
7:30 pm – wake up from short nap (startled & disoriented)
8:00 pm – order indian delivery (you can have anything delivered in San Francisco)
8:45 pm – hunker down with said delivery (oof)
9:30 pm - write this blog (wheeeee)
9:45 pm – curl up in fetal position to watch crime shows on A&E (cold case something – BTK killer was just on)

Gawd, my life is exciting…

My friend Heidi (Hizzle D) laughed at me tonight because I exerted my powers of vigilante justice. We were driving down 3rd Street when, all of a sudden, this big truck screeches up behind me. Then, it whips around and darts ahead of me. As it was zipping by, I notice that the truck has a business name & phone number on it. In spite of the fact that Heidi & I were having a very heavy conversation, I calmly remove my phone & called the number on the side of the truck. I totally tattled on the driver. Heidi was horrified & impressed at the same time.

A badass am I.

post from October 2, 2006

Just added a bunch of really old journal entries. It was so funny to read all my old rantings…seems like not much has changed. It was sad reading about Bernard (my dog who died) & bizarre seeing mention of friends to whom I no longer talk.

Little Waltey is sitting on my leg & he is purring like crazy. My phone rang earlier & I didn’t get up to answer it because I didn’t wanna disturb cute kitty. He has his head resting on the laptop right now…

post from October 3, 2006

Crap, this guy who shot those young Amish girls really freaks me out. I have been reading stories about this online & just get very squeamish. Apparently, this dick didn’t even have a beef with the Amish – he was crazy/mad in general & just picked people who basically couldn’t put up much resistance. The fact that he made all the males leave the schoolhouse just seriously makes my skin crawl. Now, they are saying that he had molested a young relative & was afraid he’d do it again?! Why didn’t he just quietly put a bullet in his own head & leave well enough alone?!

I did some traveling one summer in Indiana (don’t ask) & got stuck many times behind an Amish buggy. This would throw me routinely into a rage, but did I ever feel tempted to shoot one of them? COME ON!!!!

My level of rage has only ever reached the “I must punch you in the neck now” level. Never at my maddest (by mad I mean angry AND crazy) have I ever been tempted to take out a gun & start shooting. What switch gets flipped in one’s head to get this way?
The uncertainly of this life is baffling. The trust that we unwittingly put in our fellow man is staggering. That invisible barrier that keeps the lion’s share of the population in check is a formidable one.

Is every person capable of reaching that point where the tide turns, where the switch gets flipped?

Horrifyingly inappropriate sidenote: it is muy hee-lar-ee-ous that “assparade” is in the top 10 searches on technorati. HAR HAR!!!

post from October 10, 2006

I woke up this morning with that telltale tickle in the back of my throat. I have been trying my best to stave it off, but I think I am losing the good fight. So, I am sitting here on the couch – quilt tucked around me, Walter Evans sleeping next to me (good night he is unbelievably cute), hot soup in my belly. I may sleep slightly propped on the couch tonight. Bleck…

There is this commercial on the television for caramel something or other. The announcer guy keeps pronouncing it “car-mel”. This drives me crazy – it is “care-a-mel”. I let the most ridiculously small details of life bug me. For the most part, I am able to find humor in “things”, but sometimes these little things just stick in my head. Some other stuff that drives me cuh-razy:

* when people say, “I could care less”. The phrase is “I couldN’T care less”. If you tell someone you couldn’t care less it’s because you don’t care at all. If you say that you could care less, this means that it is possible for you to care less.
* misplaced apostrophes (its, it’s, your, you’re, etc)
* the “word” irregardless (doesn’t exist)

I could pretty much go on all day, so I will stop – I am getting agitated.

On a brighter note, Barbra Streisand told a heckler at her recent concert to “Shut the fuck up”!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a fan, but I will have to rethink that after this one…

post from October 11, 2006

As I was riding into work this morning, all I had to read was the SF Examiner. For those of you who do not live here, I must explain that this is a free newspaper that gets delivered daily. Therefore, the quality is not exactly the highest. Don’t get me wrong – it’s professionally printed & all that. They just have a tendency to be a trifle tongue-in-cheek. It’s as if they have not only accepted the fact that they are not a mainstream newspaper, but have embraced it.

For instance, this morning there was an article about bird droppings killing the vegetation on a couple of islands that were created as a wildlife habitat. I can’t remember the exact title from the printed story, but I clearly remember that it contained the word “poop”. Not “excrement”, not “droppings”, not “fecal matter”, but “POOP”!! Brilliant.

Also, it has a police blotter that is so very clearly written by someone who does not take his job very seriously. It is chock full of smart-assiness. He definitely inserts his opinion of the “perps” & such. Much to my dismay, I could not find a version of this on the site…BOOOOO!!

The best feature of their online version of the paper is the “Strange” section. It’s very self-explanatory. My fave today was the story about the woman who was charged with drunken horse riding!

I was also mildly entertained by an article about the Mexican guys who tried to tunnel their way from Mexico to the US. Seems that several of them got stuck behind a big fat guy whose hips got stuck in the passageway. Apparently, they were all okay, save one lady who had to go to the hospital due to breathing stale air. Gawd, if that was a real reason to go to the hospital, I’d be taking me some am-boo-LANCE rides everyday!!